I was leaving the local Farmer’s Market the other day when a woman passed by and said enthusiastically, “Great shirt!” I gave her a polite “Thank you” and a half-hearted smile. I was incapable of giving her a full, genuine smile. The conversation, albeit a short two-phrase exchange, threw me off guard a bit. I should have been able to respond with more than a “thank you”. I should have been able to give a genuine smile. I should have been able to engage in further conversation…but I could not. I couldn’t do any of this because my shirt with the words “Make Fit Happen” plastered across the front the woman so graciously complimented, I didn’t feel worthy of wearing.
Make Fit Happen.
For the past year, I have beaten myself up emotionally, believing I have let my “fit” go. My fit started 7 years ago when I returned from a trip. I finally reached a weight I never wanted to see. Illuminated on the scale like a flashing neon open sign in a window was the number “208”. I surpassed the 200 I refused to see, so I made a change. Within 8 months, I dropped a considerable amount of weight and several pant sizes. Smaller physically than I was in junior high, I made great strides in my fitness. However even with continued workouts and eating what I considered healthy, over the years some weight crept back in and sizes fluctuated. In my mind this resulted in believing I was no longer making fit happen, no longer worthy of those words. What a lie I told myself!
Making fit happen is not an end goal; it is a daily choice including the backwards steps one sometimes takes…and that’s okay.
Fit is more than physical.
Focused on reaching an end weight and changing my appearance, I lost sight of the importance of also growing and developing my emotional and mental health. Friendships began to take a toll and toxicity slinked into my life. So focused on the outside and opinions of others, I became incapable of fixing the inside. The friendships damaged and unrepairable caused me to unfortunately burn some bridges. How could I fix my connection with others, when I was unwilling to fix myself first?
I realize now fit is more than building strength and burning fat. It is more than toning and slimming. Making fit happen is also learning about what it is for me to be healthy. Healthy in eating. Healthy in mindset. Healthy in any decision in my life, which will result in me being happy.
Fit, healthy, and happy
To be completely honest, it has taken some time for me to collect my thoughts and begin this blog because of one tiny word that I allow to have more weight than it deserves in my life. Fear. Fear of being vulnerable, allowing people to examine my life. Fear of criticism and ridicule because I am not a size 2 fitness model. Fear of ideas rejected because someone doesn’t agree with them. Fear I wouldn’t know what to say when it came to fitness, health, and happiness. This was the same fear that made me believe I was unworthy of that shirt I wore the day of the market. Again, what lies I told myself.
It’s okay if someone doesn’t listen to my ideas because this isn’t their story, their journey. It is mine.
This is about those leaps forward or those steps to the side or the occasional backwards lunge I might take.
This is about my fit. This is about my healthy. This is about my happy. This is about me making it happen.